What a DUI Really Costs: One Creator's $500 Attorney, $3,000+ in Fees, and a Very Expensive Lesson

Getting a DUI is one of those mistakes that everyone knows is bad, and almost no one knows exactly how bad until they've paid for one. On The Gobcast episode 91, host Goblin used his own DUI as a case study — what it cost, the mistakes that made it more expensive, and what he'd tell anyone else facing the same situation.

The night it happened

Goblin got his DUI when he was 20. He was drinking on a live stream years ago, ended the stream, and — as he tells it — slammed the rest of a bottle of Ciroc right before signing off, figuring the liquor "was going to take a minute to hit." He got in the car to grab Wendy's before it did.

He got the food but never ate it. Coming home, too drunk to punch in his garage code, he crashed into a tree in front of his neighbor's house. Police arrived; he immediately admitted he was hammered, so no field sobriety tests were needed. His blood alcohol level: around 0.23 — nearly three times the legal limit.

"I was so drunk they didn't even do any field sobriety tests on me because I immediately just folded," he said.

The $500 mistake: the mail-order attorney

His first financial mistake, he says, was how he picked his lawyer. Broke at the time, he hired an attorney from one of the letters that arrive in the mail after an arrest — the solicitation letters lawyers send to people whose cases are public record.

His advice, delivered with feeling: don't do that. "There's not a single guy who's going to send you a letter in the mail after you get arrested who is a good attorney," he said. "Those guys are desperate."

His $500 flat-fee attorney, by his account, did almost nothing: no negotiation, no deal, just a recommendation to plead guilty.

"I was like, 'What happens?' He's like, 'I don't know, man. We'll see,'" Goblin recalled.

The real price tag

The costs piled up fast:

• $500 for the attorney who advised a guilty plea
• $3,000–$3,500 in court fees alone
• Court-mandated therapy classes — his happened to be on Zoom thanks to the pandemic
• Losing his license for a stretch, which made getting around harder and more expensive

"It cost me three grand just in court [fees]," he said, plus the attorney and classes on top. For someone who described himself as broke at the time, it was a financial gut punch that lasted long after the night itself.

What he'd tell anyone else

Goblin has been open about the DUI before, and he boiled the lesson down to two things:

• Call a ride. "I've learned valuably — call an Uber every time," he said. "That's what I do now."
• Don't hire the mail-order lawyers. Do research, read reviews, talk to real people. The desperate ones send letters because they need volume, not because they can help you.

He also noted how common DUIs are in his Midwest upbringing — "if you meet a random guy in my age group in the Midwest, it's literally a coin flip as to whether or not they have a DUI." Common, he said, doesn't mean cheap or consequence-free.

The cannabis connection

This story matters for cannabis consumers for one simple reason: impaired driving is impaired driving, whether the substance is alcohol, cannabis, or anything else. A DUI doesn't care which legal substance you were using — it still costs you the license, the fees, the insurance hikes, and potentially a lot more.

If you're in a legal state and you've been using cannabis, the playbook is the same as for alcohol: wait, designate a driver, or use a rideshare. Highs last longer than people expect, and the only reliable answer is time. And if you're curious about potency before you consume — so you can plan your evening responsibly — our strain database breaks down effects and reported intensity, and the dispensary directory will show you what's available near you.

The full story, including his complete breakdown of the costs, is in The Gobcast episode 91.